Author: DANIELLE WALKER, LMFT
Some traditional holiday memories might include movie watching, hot cocoa sipping, gazing at lights on houses, eating delicious foods and desserts, gift giving, and spending time with family. While many can relate to each other over cherished traditions and memories with families over the holidays, for some others, the holidays may ignite a sense of anxiety, unbearable worry, and dread.
In my mental health practice, the clients who experience feeling anxiety or dread throughout the holiday season express feeling lonely, disappointed, and uncertain about what is expected of them, or even what to do with all these feelings. Some feel this to the point of avoiding holiday festivities overall. This affects not only your emotional health, but may also impact your physical, social, and spiritual health as well. Anxiety is often followed by depression, and this vicious cycle can seem like it’s never ending.
Some of the reasons my clients have expressed anxiety during the holidays include: finding it difficult to communicate or associate with certain family members (whether its due to differing values or communication styles, or a history of trauma, or feeling intense pressure and expectations), fearing judgment, financial concerns (especially in regards to gift buying), expectations to plan and attend events, some may even have food or eating related concerns since so much of the holidays include food and indulgences. Impacted self esteem and negative self talk, often referred to as an inner bully, can have major impacts on daily functioning, work, social life, and relationships. Repeated negative cycle like this land these clients into my virtual office where we discuss their experiences, normalize concerns, assess barriers, and collaborate on a game plan. Often, they are looking for relief, understanding, and want to believe that change is possible. I assure them, it is very possible.
It surprises my clients when I explain to them that their feelings, concerns, grievances, and even annoyances are all valid. They look at me puzzled, wondering how their feelings can be ok when they have been feeling so upset. After much discussion and learning about their unique individual lives, most of the time it leads back to recognizing that their upset feelings are a signal from their body to the brain that they know what love, happiness, care, support, unconditional regard are, and is reminding them that, yes, they yearn for that connectedness, but it’s needed “here” first, meaning within yourself… Can you give yourself the gift of self love, embrace, unconditional regard, acceptance? Only when we discover and break down the barriers to loving and accepting your authentic self, can we then start to feel a relief of anxiety, pressure, dread. The hope is that with some grace, patience, and getting to know yourself all over again (much like meeting again for the first time, or, in some cases, revisiting your younger self or your “inner child”), that you can believe in your potential, put some of your values into action, and breathe empowerment in your newly paved journey.
This is why I truly love the message of EYP. Similar to my mental health practice, EYP hones in on honoring your authentic self, by breaking down barriers that may negatively impact a person’s overall performance, sense of self, and ultimately end the cycle of shame. The profound message of Embrace Your Pace, and what it means to me as a mental health clinician, is to remember that you are the boss of your life, and deserve to feel empowered through life’s journeys, in all obstacles and opportunities.
Bits and tips for coping and supporting yourself or others with anxiety during the holidays
-Explore what coping mechanisms work for you, whether its free-writing, exercising, breathing, affirmations, or seeking out trusted other(s) to talk to.
-Create new or re-vamped traditions. This could look like creating events or activities with friends, family members, even coworkers.
-Honor your feelings. Being triggered or challenged doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, remember, it’s your body reminding you that you love yourself enough to feel the signal, and desire relief.
-Remind yourself that you are not alone. Chances are, there are people you know that share the same concerns.
-Seek additional support through your wellness team, such as counselors, coaches, therapists, or any other providers.
Guest Blog Post Written By: Danielle Walker, LMFT
www.emotive-therapy.com
Danielle Walker is a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, and owner of Emotive Therapy. She specializes in working with adults with childhood trauma, which can look like anxiety, attachment issues, codependency, low self esteem, shame, and feeling stuck or stagnant in life. Her treatment approach of solution focused, cognitive behavioral therapy, and existential/psychodynamic modalities guide her clients toward unrecognized inner resources, tap into the potential and preferred self, and ultimately find relief through self advocacy.
Danielle met Karelle over 5 years ago training and working together in a mental health agency. It was here they knew their clinical styles and personalities would harbor a long lasting friendship, and awesome EYP and Emotive Therapy collaborations such as this article. Thank you.
